


My Life, My Death

by Maxkiki



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Afterlife, Death, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maxkiki/pseuds/Maxkiki
Summary: The thoughts and memories of Guy of Gisborne upon his death and the surprise that awaits him after it.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	My Life, My Death

**Author's Note:**

> If you follow me on Tumblr you know of my thoughts on Guy and his role in Robinhood, felt like writing this upon finishing the series. There are no ships involved as I do not ship any characters in the series but Robin and Marian are married in canon so that is there relationship here as well. Even though I hate Marian very much I wanted to relieve Guy of his suffering connected to her in some way and this was all I could think of.

I never thought that my last moments would be peaceful, it was always die in battle or by the hand of the one I served. I cannot say I believed or disbelieved in a god or afterlife, nor did I ever expect to go to one once I was gone. I thought that if there was indeed something after death, then I would be brought to the deepest depths of hell. Yet here I lie in the arms of my newly discovered brother, an enemy for the majority of my life, and I find it comforting. I do not deserve to relish in this joy for I have doomed him, after all, time and time again. Yet he forgives me and looks at me with sorrow in his eyes, a sight I have never seen and the last sight I do see.  
I have long awaited death and even yearned for it, for my very existence in itself has seemed to be one big mistake. My early childhood was alright, my mother cared for me but the longer my father was gone in the war, the more strained our relationship became. When he finally came home the town turned to a mess, I cannot believe the things my own mother has done but in the end, I am glad I was able to say I had another brother. I had believed nearly all of my life that I was the one to kill my parents, every day I blamed myself and anything that has ever happened to me, I tell myself I deserve it. It was not like I was roaming the lands as a saint after they were gone, I sold my sister for food and shelter and she despises me for it, so much that she did not have a single ounce of pain on her face when she stabbed me so that I would reach my end. I thought that if she acted nice she could have a good life of wealth and happiness but it seems I was wrong, but like all deeds I have done it cannot be taken back.  
Working under the Sheriff of Nottingham, I have done many bad things, unspeakably bad things. Even as his right-hand man I was on the edge of death at all times, scrambling to please him in every way. I was a glorified slave, not allowed to speak my mind, only what he wants to hear, and if my words displeased him I was beaten, yelled at, and reprimanded. Any mistake was given the same treatment, only more intense. The worse being when Robin discovered my tattoos and the Sheriff burning it away with acid, causing my skin to melt. The pain was far worse then any slash or stab I have been given at that point, only the sword to the stomach and back marking my end reaches a higher level of pain.  
Yet despite it all, I was allowed small bits of happiness in my life, a good meal now and then, and a woman to fall in love with. My greatest happiness was when I basked in her beauty, when I stood close enough to feel her warmth, when she looked at me with such kind, believing eyes. I would lose myself looking at her, feeling my sins washing away as she blesses me with her presence. I have never been more elated than when she agreed to be my wife, when after years of courting I was finally able to feel the softness of her lips. It was but only once where she willingly allowed me to bring her so close, but that once is the greatest memory of my life, treasured deep in my heart.  
But as my greatest happiness, she is also my greatest sorrow. I have caught her betraying me over and over but I could not bear to believe that someone so kind could be so devious. The women which I hold so dear, that I treasure more than the entirety of the world itself, grabbed my heart and squeezed it until it burst. Her words reply in my mind, the smile on her face as she when she says she would rather die than to be by my side with a laugh, a laugh mocking me before she proclaims her love to Robin. There was no kindness when she said it, not in her voice nor in her eyes, expecting me to cower away like a defeated puppy with my tail between my legs. Even the pain of dying was far lesser than the pain I felt at that moment. I was not angry, I could never be truly angry at her, I was disappointed and hurt beyond measure. I had to fulfill my duty and in order to do that, I had to get her out of the way. I was able to convince myself that it was like any other time I had slain an enemy to move past, I just had to pretend it wasn’t her, stab, and kill the king. I planted my foot forward and trust my sword through soft flesh but I could no longer convince myself that she was someone else, I could no longer go forward with my mission. My heart aches to hear her in pain and I can no longer hide my emotions, hardly able to breathe as I felt myself dying with her. I lose grip on my sword and her body drops, I can only step back, my throat tightening as I let out a few whimpers of a cry. Yet not a single tear falls as I hear the Sheriff call out to me, I fear what will be done to me if I do not obey so I follow, leaving the love of my life to die with those she cared for as I was not one of them. I bite the inside of my cheek till the metallic taste of my blood fills my mouth, not allowing myself to cry as we ride in silence back home. I decided that I will not shed tears for someone who does not deserve them.  
I regret that day, and I wish I had taken my own life then instead of hers. Even with all that she has done, with the words she had said that cut my heart like a knife, I cannot stop loving her. I wish with every ounce of my being that she was able to see the good in me, that she could see that I had given her my heart on a platter more valuable than silver or gold. I wish that my affections were not for waste, that my efforts actually brought us, even a little bit closer together. I was so sure that we had grown closer, I was so sure that she could love me as I loved her but I was so very wrong. If she would rather die then be with me she must have hated me, loathed my existence just as much as she loathed the Sheriff and Prince John.  
As I think it every day, it is my final thought. That I will be free of the pain that my love has given me.

Yet when my consciousness regains and I am no longer a part of the living, I expect the first thing I see to be the fires of hell yet it is the face of my mother. I cannot help but gasp as I am hugged, my father smiling down at me by her side.  
“My boy! You are finally here!” She cries, holding onto me tight. “I’m so sorry we left you so young to be on your own!”  
“How…?” Is all I manage to say as I sit up, clearly not in hell. “This cannot be Heaven, I do not belong there.”  
Ghislaine helps me stand and gestures to the bright land which we stand upon, a hill covered in bright green grass, with blue sky as far as the eye can see. “You do my sweet, you have saved more than you have not and your heart is kind and pure.”  
“Mother that is not true, I have done terrible things, there must be some mistake. I do not belong here with you and father.”I look around, waiting to be chained and shackled to be brought down to hell.  
Roger chuckles as he watches me scan the world wearily. “And you think I have not done terrible deeds either? I have killed and ruined many families in the war, possibly more than you. It seems that as long as our heart is true in the end, we are blessed with joining our loved ones in heaven.”  
I cross my arms, holding myself as I try to step past my disbelief. “It cannot… Everything I’ve done has been-”  
“Look whos here, didn’t expect you to be honest.” Says a familiar voice for an airy laugh.  
I whip my head towards the voice to see Robin walking out of the woods. “Robin, the poison claimed you already?” My throat tightens with guilt, if only I had not shown mercy on my sister he could have grown old as a shining leader in the land of the living.  
“We have both cheated death far more times than the average man, I am surprised it wasn’t sooner.” Robin stands with his arms crossed. “What is with that look, your eyes are wide as plates?”  
I cannot help but roll my eyes, feeling a bit calmer with his presence. “Well surely I don’t belong here do I? I’m waiting for whoever’s in charge to drag me down to where I belong.”  
“Well a little birdie told me that you have done more good then I thought. Plus it’s only because of your help that we freed Nottingham and made England a better place.” Robin stands on his toes to wrap an arm around my shoulder, messing up my hair. “You redeemed yourself of your sins, you belong here as much as I do, brother.”  
Even though I shove Robin away to fix my hair I cannot deny the warmth I feel in my chest, the acceptance, and the love of my family. What I did not have in life I have here in death.  
All warmth disappears when someone else steps out of the forest, Robin returning to their side. With one glance my legs give out and I am on my knees, burying my face in my hands as panic wells inside, this is the reason I do not belong here.  
“Guy…” The softness in her voice stabs my heart. “I do not blame you for my death, any ill will I had towards you disappeared when I watched you help Robin. I told you I saw good in you, I just wish you had found that earlier.”  
“I do not deserve such forgiveness, I-I killed you and-” I grip tight onto my hair as my voice cracks. “Even if you forgive me I cannot ever forgive myself.”  
“Oh come on Guy, stop being so dramatic, we’re all dead anyway. Let’s just all get along now, yeah?” Robin gently kicks my shoe. “Up you go now.”  
I shake my head, not daring to look up. I cannot look at her again, my heart cannot bear it. I thought my pain was over but I was wrong.  
“Sweetie…” My mother leans down and rubs my back as she did when I was a child. “If you still believe that you have wronged her, this is your chance to make it up to her.”  
“Guy, let us be friends as I always promised.” A gentle hand is placed on my head and I look up to see Marian, her face full of the kindness that I grew to love so much. “We have an eternity talk through our problems, leave the sorrows of our past behind.”  
My eyelids flutter as I look at the ground to think before deciding that it is time to move on. I grew to love Robin as a brother when I once wished him dead, if I can do that I can do this.  
“Alright.” I say as I stand, my eyes wandering to the ring she wore as she takes Robins hand in hers. “Friends.” I allow myself to smile, taking a deep breath. “I can do that.”  
It’s not long before my face goes back to its usual scowl as Robin kicks my shins. “Try to take my wife and I’ll kick your ass again.”  
“She does not want me, I know that very well. I believe that if I tried she would manage to do the kicking before you.” I smirk, glad to have a friend and brother at last even if a lot of our talk is bickering.  
“Maybe we can find someone for you here, I hear Heaven is a big place.” Robin pats my back as we all walk downhill to the home waiting for us.  
I look over the horizon towards the setting sun and sigh, feeling lighter then I have in years as if a great weight has finally fallen off my shoulders. “Maybe there is.” I smile at the thought, hope filling my heart again. Death was not only my end, but my new beginning.


End file.
